The only disclaimer you’ll ever need

DISCLAIMER: This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of The Company, its employees, its friends, its groupies, or its acquaintances; don’t quote me on that; don’t quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; message is provided “as is” without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory – explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply.

Not intended for off-road use. Best if used before date on carton. May explode if recharged improperly. Contains no artificial colors or ingredients. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Simulated picture. Times approximate. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited for television. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Price does not include taxes. Not recommended for children. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Restaurant package, not for resale. Packaged by weight, not volume: some settling may occur during shipping. Opened for inspection. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep out of reach of children. For external use only. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Suggested serving. Do not remove this tag until sold for retail. Dry clean only. Not for use with the Republican party. If left parked for over 10 minutes, may be towed. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open. Authorized personnel only. You may have additional rights which vary from state to state. Not recommended for children under 12. Batteries not included. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Some assembly required. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle. Postage will be paid by addressee. Address correction requested. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. Not for internal use. May be unsettling to some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational purposes only. Do not disturb. Must be over 18 or have your parent’s permission. If condition persists, consult your doctor. Freshest if eaten before date stamped on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Place stamp here. One backup copy may be made. One size fits all. Colors may, in time, fade. Any imperfections are inherent in the material. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Post Office will not deliver without postage. Keep cool; process promptly. List current at time of printing. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Licensed for home exhibition only. Copyright (c) 1998.

Do not write below this line:

Avoid contact with skin. For official use only. Your canceled check is your receipt. Tax-deductible if you itemize deductions. Abort, Retry, Fail? Slightly higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. Limited time offer. Must be 21. Picture ID required. No purchase necessary. Keep away from fire or open flame. Price shown does not include tax. Reproduction strictly prohibited. All rights reserved. No soliciting. No shoes, no shirt, please use drive-thru. Not for resale. Call toll-free for more information. This is a test, this is only a test. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. For office use only. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Registered trademark. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary.

This supersedes all previous notices.

(Thanks, Espen)

One thought on “The only disclaimer you’ll ever need

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Chris Moran

Comments are closed.